Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Did Sandy Cost Romney the Election?

Based on reported election data, about 50% of US voters are pleased with yesterday's results.  2% are strutting around self importantly for having belligerently defied the two-party system, and 48% are left to wonder what went wrong.

Pundits from both parties are pointing to various "game changing" moments of the spirited campaign.  (Incidentally "spirited" is the post-results replacement for any of the following words: bitter, venomous, vitriolic, damaging, embarrassing, caustic, negative, hostile, disgraceful.)

But, according to one republican voter, none of the gaffes or boons being mentioned is responsible for Mitt Romney's ultimate failure.

Sandy Thompson, a paralegal from Trenton, New Jersey, tearfully divulged to reporters early this morning that during the whole of yesterday's election she was, in fact, not wearing her lucky socks.

"I could have sworn I had them on.", Sandy sobbed to the news crew of WZBN.  "I put them out special on Monday night, but somehow I grabbed the wrong pair on Tuesday morning."

Sandy's friend and neighbor Steven Cooth recalled the moment Sandy realized she was wearing the wrong socks.  "A bunch of us were hanging out a Sandy's house last night watching the results come in.  We were all pulling for Romney, and Sandy was the only one who didn't seem concerned about what was happening.  Every time an update showed Obama pulling further ahead, she just looked at all of us with a knowing expression on her face.  But then, around 10:45 (PM), Beth made a comment about how cute Sandy's socks were.  Sandy looked down and screamed."

According to Sandy, her lucky socks - acquired in 2003 from a Macy's in Woodbourne - have been responsible for two Super Bowl championships, three raises, and a free roast beef sandwich from Arby's.

Sandy stated that she has already written formal apology letters to both the Republican National Committee and Mitt Romney himself.  "I know it's too little too late, but I need them to know how deeply, deeply sorry I am for this."

Concerned about the longevity of her lucky socks, Sandy plans to vacuum seal them in a plastic baggie and store them in her freezer until 2016's election.

No comments: