Tuesday, November 4, 2008

History is Made as America Elects Its First Blue President

The world is in shock tonight as Anthony Parrulli has been named President Elect of The United States of America.

Mr. Parrulli, who is most famous for being a member of the popular Blue Man Group, seems equally taken aback by his sudden appointment to America’s highest office.

“During his acceptance speech he didn’t even say anything.” said one supporter who was present at the Las Vegas rally, “He just looked around really fast without moving his head. I could tell he was surprised because his eyes were opened freakishly wide.”

Even many of those who voted for him were stunned by the results of tonight's election.

“WHAT HAVE WE DONE?! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, TELL ME THIS WASN’T MY FAULT!!” commented Justin Sterling, a Kansas resident who admits to having been intoxicated while at the ballots.

Others are more optimistic.

“Sure I think he has the experience needed to rebuild the economy.” Remarked Stephanie Langdon of New Jersey, “Have you seen what those guys can do with PVC pipes?”

Another voter said it was actually Barack Obama who inspired her to vote for Mr Parrulli.

“Obama got me excited about change, but when I looked at his voting record, it was all just down his party line. That wasn’t what I was looking for, so I started keeping my eye out for someone who would bring real change to Washington. That was about the time my family took a trip to Vegas, and well, the rest is history.”

A major factor in this election was voters aged 30 to 35 who grew up during the Smurfs era. 78% of these individuals cast their ballots in favor of Parrulli.

President Parrulli will officially be sworn in to office on January 20, 2009. Due to contractual obligations with The Venetian Hotel and Resort, however, he will only be available to perform presidential tasks on Tuesday mornings before 10AM.