Wednesday, May 20, 2009

The Bigots Have Spoken

Left wing America, and indeed the world, is in outrage tonight as Kris Allen has stolen the American Idol crown from Luciano Pavarotti.

"This is yet more proof that Americans are just as Italianaphobic as they ever were.", said visibly distraught Italian Prime Minister, Silvio Berlusconi, in a prepared statement. "They still see us only as pizza makers and mafia lords."

And it's not just the ERI (Equal Rights for Italians) movement that is upset with tonight's results. While considerably less vitriolic than Sr. Berlusconi, famed vampire and equal rights activist Count Dracula also addressed the media. "I would like to think that all Americans cast their votes [yesterday] based on the vocal talent of the contestants, but it seems clear that Mr. Pavarotti's unwillingness to hide the fact that he is dead, has hurt him."

Still others accuse conservative America of ignoring Pavorotti simply because he was not an 'actual' contestant on the show.

Steve Canton, a sophomore at Michigan State disigreed with accusations that Allen's victory was evidence of a 'close minded' America. "Look, I could care less that Luciano is Italian - or even dead. I just don't like his voice. Sure I think he is probably technically a better singer than Kris, but I can't stand his music. No matter what Randy Jackson says, Luciano is NOT current. I don't care if he can sing Ave Maria in seven different languages and in ten different octaves - he's not making it onto my playlist."