A long-time aspiration of mine has been to write a novel. To create an original and engaging story filled with quirky characters that readers grow to love and care for. The problem is, it takes a long time to write a novel - sometimes years, and I just don't have the attention span to support that kind of commitment. I've considered trying my hand at short stories, but even that seems too daunting a prospect. And so here I am, writing blog posts: easily digestible bits of drivel that I can spew out in a few paragraphs and be done with.Embarrassingly, I am often unable to come up with a topic that warrants even a single paragraph of fluff to frame it. Such is the case today. So, rather than making a futile attempt at cohesiveness, I am simply going to regail you with unrelated tidbits of thought. I've done my best to make them sound like wise sayings, in the hopes of one day finding myself cited in the "Quotes of the Day" on Google. After all, what have we, if not our dreams to cling to.
Crack: It’s killing our children and immortalizing our bells.
To everything there is a season. Except spotted owls; they’re endangered.
The surest cure for hiccups is to count to a billion by tenths.
Statistically speaking, you are much more likely to die of a heart attack than in a plane crash. Of course, that’s also true of your pilot.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
They’re eaten by horses, and turned into poo (which is kind of greenish brown).
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. So, before you go grabbing a wild bird with your bare hand, think about the market value of two birds in a bush.
Tofu is like life support. It will keep you alive, but is it really worth it?
All men are created equal. All women are created greater than.
Laugh and the world laughs with you; weep, and you weep alone - unless you’re on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.
In business, the whole is greater than the sum of all its parts. In golf, the sum of all its pars is greater than the holes.
In heaven you will sing praises for eternity to the Most High while surrounded by angels. Hell is the same, only the guy next to you will be playing air guitar.
A cry for help from a proud man rarely comes in the form of words; especially if that proud man is tied up and gagged in the trunk of his kidnapper’s car.
Death is the great equalizer, but Sony makes a pretty decent one too.
I lived in Las Vegas for eight years, and never once got up the courage to try my luck at the roulette wheel. I can’t even imagine how the guys in Russia do it.
Problems are like clouds. They can be daunting, and sometimes seem to cover the whole world. But, if you can just work your way up through them, you’ll see the sun again - then fall 30,000 feet.
The ant is the strongest organism on the planet – able to lift up to 50 times its own weight. I can crush 5 ants with my pinky. Step off punk.
To everything there is a season. Except spotted owls; they’re endangered.
The surest cure for hiccups is to count to a billion by tenths.
Statistically speaking, you are much more likely to die of a heart attack than in a plane crash. Of course, that’s also true of your pilot.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
They’re eaten by horses, and turned into poo (which is kind of greenish brown).
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. So, before you go grabbing a wild bird with your bare hand, think about the market value of two birds in a bush.
Tofu is like life support. It will keep you alive, but is it really worth it?
All men are created equal. All women are created greater than.
Laugh and the world laughs with you; weep, and you weep alone - unless you’re on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.
In business, the whole is greater than the sum of all its parts. In golf, the sum of all its pars is greater than the holes.
In heaven you will sing praises for eternity to the Most High while surrounded by angels. Hell is the same, only the guy next to you will be playing air guitar.
A cry for help from a proud man rarely comes in the form of words; especially if that proud man is tied up and gagged in the trunk of his kidnapper’s car.
Death is the great equalizer, but Sony makes a pretty decent one too.
I lived in Las Vegas for eight years, and never once got up the courage to try my luck at the roulette wheel. I can’t even imagine how the guys in Russia do it.
Problems are like clouds. They can be daunting, and sometimes seem to cover the whole world. But, if you can just work your way up through them, you’ll see the sun again - then fall 30,000 feet.
The ant is the strongest organism on the planet – able to lift up to 50 times its own weight. I can crush 5 ants with my pinky. Step off punk.
2 comments:
You made us laugh again. Thanks. Does this mean you now have internet at home or are you just trying to find things to do at work? Either way, keep it up.
Love Dad
OK...Rarely am i really laughing out loud when I type lol, but this time it's actually true. My personal favorites are the pilot/heart attack, the falling 30,000 ft. and crushing the ant. I mean honestly, you should be writing for sitcoms. Have you ever considered that?
You are so witty. Do you know what saying bugs me a little? "slow and steady wins the race". Bull. I've been in a race....and fast and steady always wins.
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